How have you been? Remember me? I’ve known you my whole life. I have gotten to know that you are a kind hearted person who loves everyone around you. I’ve seen how you’ve endured much at such a young age. You’ve tried being a outstanding, upright, fun-loving individual.
I can attest to the damaging effects that the scars from your past have influenced in your life. At around theage of 6 years old, someone who you trusted and loved greatly took advantage of you; using you as his sex slave for his sadistic pleasure. Terrified at the thought of being chastised by your father for permitting such acts, you lived in silence and refused to discuss the years of abuse with anybody. You began to seclude yourself from the world, and your self-esteem shrunk more and more every timehe raped you.
When you were merely 7 years old, your grandfather died. His last wish was to be buried in Puerto Rico. You travelled to Puerto Rico with your mother and sister for the burial. Little did you know that while your mother mourned the loss of her father, your cousin saw that as the opportune time to violate you. The shock that you felt as you watched your sister and other cousinsplay hide and seek, while you were being molested behind a pair of bushes in the backyard was overbearing. You just stood there, frozen, feeling guilty for what had been imposed upon you.
As the years of sexual abuse continued (from your uncle), your self-esteem shrunk to an almost non-existent form. You build high, strong barriers all around you to avoid any further harm. You tried to maskthe pain indulging in material things. You began stealing from your parents and committing unlawful acts; not to mention dropping out of school. This led you to a place where you were surrounded by heartless criminals, who you believed were your friends.
The hatred towards your father for never demonstrating any love towards you is what fueled you to continue down this bad path. You despised himfor never even telling you that he loved you. You endured a lifetime of verbal and physical abuse, and witnessed on a daily basis how he mistreated your mother. You were too young to understand that your father worked day and night to put food on the table. Did you even stop to think that maybe that was his way of showing you that he loved you?
Once in jail, you met a shining person whoseemed to enlighten your life with their mere presence. Both of you were young and inexperienced. Getting to know each other intimately seemed almost natural at the moment. As if both of you were created for each other. This person from that moment on became your best friend, confident, and lover.
Once out of jail, both of you kept seeing each other. Things were going great!Lover boy keptdrowning in a life crime. Gangbanging, drug dealing, stealing, and ultimately ended back in jail for an 18 month rap. After completing his sentence, both of you moved in together. All the while nobody suspected that both of you were lovers. Living a closeted life was a way of life, a very hard life at that. The first month of living together was great. Waking up in his arms was what made yourday. You’d bend over backwards for him if he asked you to. He showed you love and support and both of you were happy together.
After that first month, you noticed that he began drinking more than the usual. It wasn’t his usual 40oz Budweiser anymore. It increased from 1 bottle to 3 bottles in a day, and in a matter of days that 3 grew to 5 bottles of beer a day. As his intake of beer increased,so did the disrespect and humiliation towards you. He began to curse you out constantly, hit you, call you names, and undervalue your existence. There was no more affection, no more love… He constantly reminded you of how ugly and fat you were. He told you that nobody would ever love a fat piece of shit like you. He even spit on you every time he finished having sex with you. You were...