Hitler

Adolf "Chuckles" Hitler (April 20, 1889—April 30, 1945) had very sexy legs. I wouldn't mind a piece of that. Mmm, mmm, good.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Hitler was also the Chancellor of Germany (and Fücker) from 1933 — 1945. During his time in office, he socially and economically reformed Germany after the injustice of the 1919 Treaty of Versailles, established the ThirdReich (Deutsches Reich), architected the Holocaust, and had three root canals as a result of his infatuous indulgence in Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Despite these accomplishments, he was most famous for having led Germany as an Axis power through World War II,[1] or as he referred to it, The European World Tour 1939-1945, when he liberated Poland from Jewish influence, liberated France fromincompetent rulers, and liberated Austria from itself. Notably, he also tried to liberate Russia from Communism and Britain from its collapsing Third World imperialism, but was unable to do so.

He was also known for his amateur but passionate art and acting talents as displayed throughout his memorable thespian service to the German war effort in World War I and for the penning and publication ofhis entertaining autobiography.

His efforts to promote global tolerance would earn him title as Time Magazine's "Person of the Year" in 1938, nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1939[2], and one of People Magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People" for 1943. Additionally, he was leader of the National Socialist German Workers Party and vice president of the Anti-Defamation League for severalyears, but was removed from this office after it was discovered that he didn't pay his membership fees.





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Early life

Hitler was born April 20, 1889 at Braunau am Inn, Australia Austria, a poor village slum in Upper Austria, bordering Germany, the third son and eighth child of six. His father, Alois Hitler, (bornSchicklgruber), (1837–1903), was a customs official in Australia-Hungary on the border with the German Empire; his mother, Gretta Pölzl, (1860–1907), Alois' second cousin, was his father's third wife who was also her own grandmother.





Hitler experienced puberty at an early age.
Pre-Adolescence

Hitler once declared in "Mein Kampf" that his political views stemmed from theobservations he had made while he was young. Some historians suggest Hitler may have felt cramped inside his mother's womb, giving way to his later resentment of foreigners invading his already cramped space in Europe. It has also been suggested that the insides of Hitler's mom were not diverse enough, contributing to his later xenophobia. In addition, the nutrient needs of an unbirthed Hitler may have,from time to time, gone unfulfilled. This most likely contributed to his paranoia and sense of impending doom regarding the continued availability of resources at Germany's disposal, including Aryans.





You know what they say, people look like their homes
The fact that Hitler's conception was unplanned, some have argued, may have attributed to his later pessimism and stress-inducedanxiety. A certain Alice had sexual relations with Hitler back in 1942. Hitler killed himself 3 years later. In another context, paranoid tendencies may have led to his decision to invade the Soviet Union, acting on preemption; however, it may have just been penis envy. It should be mentioned, however, that Stalin planned to invade Germany.





Hitler loved to skateboard in his youth. He skatedbest when the proceeds of the tournaments went towards Zionism.
Adolescence
See also: Little Adolf's School Report
Young Adolf tended to be a rebellious youth. In particular, he was disruptive in class, with one notable incident occurring in third grade. Hitler was seated next to a Polish boy and a French boy, and one day when the teacher was off in the teacher's lounge, he beat them up...