Life Rhythms

Life Rhythms by Rosa Vallejo

Martha hung up the phone. It was a relief to finally disengage herself from the con­versation with her sister. She wondered what gave others the right to preach, especially those who had never experienced problems with their own children.

She heard the baby's soft cry begin behind the closed door of her daughter's room and quickly made her waythere. She didn't want Laura to wake up. Walking on tiptoe, she crossed over to the white crib and picked up her five-day-old granddaughter. She quickly popped a pacifier in the baby's mouth in order to appease her. As the child calmed down and quieted, she could hear the rhythm of her daughter's breathing. Her daughter lay asleep in a fetal position. The sounds of her breathing came softly and gentlythrough her partially opened mouth.

When Laura had been very young, she had sucked her thumb. Now her arms were crossed over her chest, her exposed hand holding on to her exposed shoulder as if she were embracing herself. She had taught herself to sleep in this position when she was seven and had finally made up her mind to break herself of her thumb-sucking habit. !t had takenseveral months, but she had succeeded in freeing herself from her thumb. Martha had admired Laura's determination and tenacity then, but later she had come to curse these qualities in her daughter. The baby in her arms began to whimper again, and she quickly left the room.

Martha had not known she was to be a grandmother until the day her daughter went into labor. She had received thecall just as she was about to go out for dinner.

"Mom?" At the sound of her daughter's voice all the confusing emotions their relationship

triggered in her had rushed through her again. Happiness and apprehension both washed over her.

"Laura, are you all right? What's wrong, you don't sound well?"

"Mom, I need you. Can you come to the hospital? You're about to become agrandmother."

She experienced again the feeling of dread that had made her go cold all over when she had heard those words. She wished that she could experience the excite­ment and joy that a first grandchild is supposed to create. Instead, she felt as appre­hensive and confused now as she had when Laura had called. Her old fears had resurfaced and she could not shake them. Was she to live with herdaughter's tyranny again? She looked down at the baby and instantly felt ashamed and guilty. She pressed the baby closer, in an attempt to lessen her feelings of guilt.

When Laura was a baby Martha had envisioned her in adolescence, going to par­ties and bringing home tons of friends. She had imagined a house full of laughter, music and dancing. She had looked beyond the years and imagined herdaughter as a happy, self-assured, and successful young woman, enjoying an independent life. But Laura had chosen another path for herself, and instead of sharing those carefree and happy moments, they had spent her daughter's adolescence in the offices of various therapists. Instead of that lovely, carefree young woman, Laura had become a tyrant. From the time her daughter was thirteen, Marthahad been dealing with her numerous acts of rebellion.

She had lived through the many embarrassing confrontations with school officials about her daughter's truancy, the binge drinking and the horror of having Laura brought home drunk by a police officer, and the sleepless nights waiting to hear the key turn in the door. How many times had she been on the verge of declaring her missing when Laurawould finally appear in the middle of the afternoon and stum­ble into her room to sleep for twenty-four hours? She shuddered as she thought of it. And all the time Martha had been aware that she was the one considered at fault. The finger was pointed at her, indicting her as a poor example of a parent. They overlooked her involvement in library and PTA programs with her young daughter. They did...