I was a magnet for pain.
The past few years had been complete hell. When my parents left, they changed everything. They made me a target for hurt, and I wouldn't have been surprised if I suddenly became immune to it all. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
The initial shock that came from seeing Charlie again wore off and turned into a gut wrenching pain that made me incapable ofdoing anything other than crying. It just had to be some sick joke.
I had trained myself to think that he was dead. All those nights of crying had made me stronger but it also made me more vulnerable. Just when I was starting to accept the fact that they didn't want us, that they were off living their lives how they always wanted, that I'd be okay with just me and Em and Edward and Rose... hedecides to walk back in on our lives.
Once he walked out the door and time passed, I almost couldn't believe it anymore. It felt like some twisted nightmare, and if it weren't for the fact that I was now on the couch in Edward's arms with a heavy weight on my chest, I would have thought I dreamed the whole thing.
I really, really wished I had.
It took me years to finally come to terms with thefact that they left, and accept it and grow from it. I allowed myself to build up a barrier in front of their memories, so that thinking about them wouldn't hurt me anymore. I allowed myself to believe that it was for the best, that this was life and that shit happens. I allowed myself to enjoy the love that I would feel emanating from Edward and Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't need my parents anymore,because I had learned that they weren't the only people capable of loving me.
Those protective walls that I had built to protect myself from the pain had come crumbling down the second I saw Charlie, all of the pain crashing into me and rendering me physically unable to stand up. It was like someone had punched me in the gut and all of the agony traveled to every nerve in my body.
Once theshock started to wear off and my brain was actually able to comprehend what was happening, the anger took over.
Just seeing him standing there, trying to offer me some kind of explanation made me furious. I was so, so sick of the pain and here he was, walking in and bringing it with him. It was his fault that I had been so lonely and depressed, his fault that I chose Jacob, and his fault that Ialmost died. He may not have been there while it was all happening, but he and Renee had always been at the back of my mind as solid reminders that no one loved me. It was their abandonment that made me desperate to find affection in all the wrong places.
For the rest of the day I just sat on the couch with Edward, not eating or talking. We were just waiting, though we weren't sure what for. Maybe wewere waiting for Emmett and Rosalie to get back, or for Charlie to return. Edward mentioned that Charlie was going to come back the next day, and I hated him for it. I hated him for coming back, but did he really have to come back on the day Emmett and Rose got back from their honeymoon?
When I ranted about this with Edward, he just sighed, kissed my head, and said "He just wants to piss oneveryone's parade."
I drifted in and out of sleep all day, and there came a point where I slept for more than an hour. When I woke up I saw Edward bent over the coffee table.
"What're you doing?" I mumbled, propping myself up on an elbow. My body was stiff from sleeping in an awkward position on the couch.
He turned, startled, and I saw that he had a rag in his hand.
He glanced back and forthbetween me and the rag before shrugging one shoulder. "Cleaning?"
I sat up and rubbed my eyes tiredly. How I could sleep so much in one day, I didn't know. It must have been the emotional roller coaster.
"You don't have to do that," I sighed, standing up.
"Already done," he said softly. "I reckoned that since they were going to be coming home to really bad news, the last thing they needed was a...