Tucker max

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I HOPE
THEY SERVE BEER
IN HELL

i

I HOPE
THEY SERVE BEER
IN HELL

TUCKER MAX

CITADEL PRESS
Kensington Publishing Corp.
www.kensingtonbooks.com
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CITADEL PRESS BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
850 Third Avenue
New York, NY 10022
Copyright © 2006 Tucker Max
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by
any meanswithout the prior written consent of the publisher, excepting brief
quotes used in reviews.
All Kensington titles, imprints, and distributed lines are available at special
quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fundraising,
educational, or institutional use. Special book excerpts or customized
printings can also be created to fit specific needs. For details, write orphone
the office of the Kensington special sales manager: Kensington Publishing
Corp., 850 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10022, attn: Special Sales Department;
phone 1-800-221-2647.
CITADEL PRESS and the Citadel logo are Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
First printing: January 2006
10 9 8 7 6
Printed in the United States of America
Library of Congress Control Number: 2005934008
ISBN 0-8065-2728-5iii

CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS......................................................................................................... vi
AUTHOR’S NOTE .................................................................................................................viii

TUCKER MAX STORIES
THE FAMOUS SUSHI PANTS STORY.................................................................................. 1
THE NIGHT WE ALMOST DIED ........................................................................................... 7
THE BLOW&JOB FOLLIES .................................................................................................. 20
EVERYONE HAS "THAT" FRIEND ..................................................................................... 26
TUCKER FUCKS A FATGIRL; HILARITY ENSUES ........................................................ 45
THE NOW INFAMOUS TUCKER MAX CHARITY AUCTION DEBACLE ..................... 52
QUITE THE VACATION ....................................................................................................... 65
TUCKER GOES TOVEGAS.................................................................................................. 68
FLOSS...................................................................................................................................... 84
THE FOXFIELD WEEKEND ................................................................................................. 86
THE AUSTIN ROAD TRIP ....................................................................................................96
MY KEY WEST TRIP........................................................................................................... 131
GIRL BEATS TUCKER AT HIS OWN GAME................................................................... 134
TUCKER TRIES BUTTSEX; HILARITY DOES NOT ENSUE ......................................... 140
THIS'LL JUST HURT A LITTLE......................................................................................... 147
THE UT WEEKEND ............................................................................................................. 152
THE PEE BLAME ................................................................................................................. 163
TUCKER GOES TO A HOCKEYGAME............................................................................ 167
THE ABSINTHE DONUTS STORY .................................................................................... 173
THE MOST DISTURBING CONVERSATION EVER ....................................................... 185
SHE WON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER....................................................................... 194

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TUCKER RUPTURES HIS APPENDIX...
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