Act Like A Lady

S TE VE HARVEY STEVE HAR V EY E R Y
Denene Millner

Act Like a

Lady,
T HINK LIKE A

Man

This book is dedicated to all women. My hope is to empower you with a wide-open look into the minds of men.

Introduction
Everything You Need to Know About Men and Relationships Is Right Here 1

1

T H E M I N D -SE T OF A M A N

1 What Drives Men 2 3

11 19

Our Love Isn’t LikeYour Love

The Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Loyalty, and the Cookie 37 “We Need to Talk,” and Other Words That Make Men Run for Cover 49

4

2

W H Y M E N D O W H AT T H E Y D O

5

First Things First: He Wants to Sleep with You 61

6 Sports Fish vs. Keepers: How Men Distinguish Between the Marrying Types and the Playthings 69 7 Mama’s Boys 8 Why Men Cheat
3

85 95

TH E PL A Y BO OK :

HOW TO W I N T H E G A M E

9 Men Respect Standards—Get Some 10

115

The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets in Too Deep 129

11 The Ninety-Day Rule: Getting the Respect You Deserve 147 12 If He’s Meeting the Kids After You Decide He’s “the One,” It’s Too Late 163 13 Strong, Independent—and Lonely— Women 179 14 How to Get the Ring 193 15 QuickAnswers to the Questions You’ve Always Wanted to Ask 205 Acknowledgments 231 About the Author Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher

V

EVERY THING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MEN AND REL ATIONSHIPS IS RIGHT HERE

I

’ve made a living for more than twenty years making people laugh—about themselves, about each other, about family, and friends, and, most certainly, about love, sex, andrelationships. My humor is always rooted in truth and full of wisdom—the kind that comes from living, watching, learning, and knowing. I’m told my jokes strike chords with people because they can relate to them, especially the ones that explore the dynamics of relationships between men and women. It never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships, think about them, read about them, askabout them— even get in them without a clue how to move them forward. For sure, if there’s anything I’ve discovered during my journey here on God’s earth, it’s this: (a) too many women are clueless about men, (b) men get away with a whole lot of stuff in rela-

tionships because women have never understood how men think, and (c) I’ve got some valuable information to change all of that. Idiscovered this when my career transitioned to radio with the Steve Harvey Morning Show. Back when my show was based in Los Angeles, I created a segment called “Ask Steve,” during which women could call in and ask anything they wanted to about relationships. Anything. At the very least, I thought “Ask Steve” would lead to some good comedy, and at first, that’s pretty much what it was all about forme—getting to the jokes. But it didn’t take me long to realize that what my listeners, mostly women, were going through wasn’t really a laughing matter. They had dozens of categories of needs and concerns in their lives that they were trying to get a handle on—dating, commitment, security, family baggage, hopes for tomorrow, spirituality, in-law drama, body image, aging, friendships, children, work/homebalance, education. You name the topic, somebody asked me about it. And heading up the list of topics women wanted to talk about was—you guessed it—men. My female listeners really wanted answers—answers to how to get out of a relationship what they’re putting into it. On those “Ask Steve” segments, and later, through the “Strawberry Letters” segment I do on the current incarnation of the SteveHarvey Morning Show, women have made clear that they want an even exchange with men: they want their love to be reciprocated in the same way they give it; they want

their romantic lives to be as rewarding as they make them for their potential mates; they want the emotions that they turn on full blast to be met with the same intensity; and they expect the premium that they put on commitment to...