Essay language "guilt"

Guilt

What is guilt? Who can tell me what that word means? Who can tell me how do I feel that word? Who can tell me why is that word always torturing me.
Guilt… According to wikipedia guilt is“Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong”, according to the law guilt is “The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law” according to the guy who psychoanalyze guit is“Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing” and acording to me, guilt is “ I don’t know what the hell is guilt!” The only thing I know about that word, about that horrible feeling is that I feel itevery fucking day, hour, minute, second of my life! Is it torturing me, it doesn’t leave me alone just for one second! I can’t do anything without feeling that horrible pain in my heart. Perhaps thatpain is my destiny, perhaps I need that guilt to live, perhaps is what keeps me alive, perhaps I am starting to feel good about that pain, or perhaps not…
I feel guilt over not spending so much timewith my family, I feel guilt about how I treat my family and friends, I feel guilt over how I treat my body, I feel guit over how it looks my body, I feel guilt over studing and over not studing, Ifeel guilt over not thanking all I have, I feel guilt over feeling guit. I feel guilt… and that’s all I know.
When I feel guilt I have to do something to stop that feeling, so what is the solution? Toeat. I walk down the stairs acting like if I don`t care, like if nothing is going to happen, I open the refrigerator and eat the first fattening thing I see, I eat as much as I can, convincing myselfthat I am doing right, that nothing is going to happen, that after eating that piece of cake every disgusting feeling is going to stop.
But then I realised I was wrong…I had finished the cake, theprevious guilt had gone, but suddenly another type of guilt invade myself, I now feel guilt because I ate too much calories, because I broke my “diet”. So what do I have to do? get rid of that...