Estudiante

For reflection paper #2 I chose to write about the paraphrasing and You/I language concepts for becoming a better communicator.  I will address the paraphrasing method first and the You/I method second.
The Paraphrasing Technique
Oftentimes, despite our best efforts to listen and understand others, a misunderstanding may occur.  Roger William has developed a very helpful technique—calledthe "paraphrasing" technique—to enhance an accurate understanding of the speaker. Roger developed this technique as a means of preventing misunderstandings in interpersonal communication.
The Paraphrase method is implemented by using your own words to restate your understanding of what the other person is saying or feeling. By using this technique, we provide the speaker the opportunity toclarify, expand and/or correct your understanding what the speaker has said or feels.  A person using the Paraphrase technique should restate the speaker's information with closed question statements, as the goal is to elicit a yes or no response from the speaker as to whether you have accurately understood their message. An example would be to start your question as follows: “So you mean…,” “Soyou feel that…,” “Are you saying…,” etc.  To effectively use this technique, the listener should try to really hear what the other person means and paraphrase that back to them, rather than merely repeating their own words. Use of this technique is very helpful in communication because it helps to minimize misunderstandings.  Additionally, taking the time to make sure you understand what thespeaker is saying will lead to them trusting you more and valuing you more as a listener as the speaker will feel that you really care about them and what they are trying to say.
      I had never thought of using this technique to improve my communication with others, however, after learning about paraphrasing I think it would be really helpful in my communications with others, especially romanticpartners.
Oftentimes, when I'm having an argument or even just a conversation with my partner, I usually assume what he might be thinking without reaffirming the meaning of what he's really saying and its implications. On one occasion, my partner told me that his family was going to stay at our house for a couple weeks.  He also told me that he was going to use vacation time to spend as muchtime as possible with them and that he would not be able to attend an event we had planned on gong to for months. I assumed that the entire time his family was going to be in town he was going to cancel all of our plans as well as leave no vacation time for the rest of the year for us to spend together. As a result, I got really upset and didn't want to speak with him anymore, leaving him nochance to explain in more detail.
What I should've done was paraphrased what he said.  I should have said something along the lines of: "So are you saying that we cannot make any plans while they are in town?" "Are you saying that you are going to use all of your vacation time for the year?"  Had I done so, I would have realized that he was going to have plenty of vacation days left and therewas only one event that had to be canceled because they wanted to go to California on that weekend.  By not using the paraphrasing technique, I completely misunderstood the implications of what he was saying to me.
By using the paraphrasing technique I will be able to minimize my understandings with people and avoid unnecessary complications or fights.
You-Language vs. I-Language
Weusually try to protect ourselves while having an argument by shifting all the responsibility of how we feel and think to the other person. In doing so, when we are having an argument with someone or discussing something serious, we will often phrase things in terms of what the other person has done. This blame game and shifting of responsibility is very ineffective, as the listener feels...