Feelings

A War against Myself
On the surface,
I’m calm and collected, unbothered
No one can tell what I feel
They see the unbroken mask that I’ve had all my life
What they don’tknow is that there is a war going on in me

A war against who I was, am, and want to be
They only see what I want them to see
A small unperfected smile
Extracting purehappiness
But if they see behind the mask they see my imperfections bleed out

Staring intently into my eyes all you will ever see is anger
Anger that is lit by the sun and isundying
Loyal, by my side
It has become me
As I have become it

My spirit is a ball excitement waiting to explode
It wants to roam this world without meaning
It wants to seethings unseen
And enjoy things without care or worry
It is an unfreed spirit waiting to be set free
But my mind holds everything intact
It’s the mother of me
It’s my cynical,pessimistic, sarcastic,
Ruthless, stubborn, fighting and controlling part
But it’s what makes me, me

And even though my heart wants to believe
In a thing called love
Mymind knows to not fall into that hole
For it will be the end of me
Because from there death would be a better escape

And the war keeps going
Because each side wants to gaincontrol over me
And expand itself inside my body
To mass consume me
And make every choice

So how can I find my purpose in that?
My parents say my purpose in life is to havean education,
Money, get married and have kids
All I’ve known is what people want me to know
It’s time for me to find my purpose

I have to be a better person and be happyLet the anger disappear
And have an even balance though out my body
If I’m rich or not, it doesn’t matter as long as I’m happy
But for now I have to live with this war