Ingeniera
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Publicado: 19 de julio de 2012
Amalgamated Industries Annual Report
Fiscal Year 2001
The Board of Director's are pleased to announce that Amalgamated IndustriesInternetLink"http://www.neosoftware.com" profits for fiscal year 2001 have increased 120% over the previous year. We owe much of our success to our new state of the art customer supportfacility in Mellonburg. The facility is the brain child of Vice President of Customer Elimination, Roger J. Hamsterbiscuts.
For those of you unfamiliar with Roger, he'swas brought on board last year to spearhead our efforts to increase profits by reducing interaction with customers. As you know, responding to customer inquires isresource intensive and expensive. Under Roger's leadership, we have successfully eliminated the entire customer support and complaint departments. These moneylosing departments were a constant drag on the company's bottom line. Their elimination is the primary reason for this year's enormous increase in profits.
The newautomated customer support facility (ACSF) is located in a rarely used stall in the second floor men's restroom at our Mellonburg plant. When a customer calls one ofour support hotlines, the ACSF greets them in a friendly voice and instructs them to wait for the next available support representative. Since AmalgamatedIndustries no longer employs any support staff, the customer's wait is indefinite. Our internal studies show that most customers forget why they called and hang up after anaverage of 22 minutes on hold. The ACSF is capable of handling over 12,000 simultaneous calls. So far we haven't received a single complain about the new system.
Fiscal Year 2001
The Board of Director's are pleased to announce that Amalgamated IndustriesInternetLink"http://www.neosoftware.com" profits for fiscal year 2001 have increased 120% over the previous year. We owe much of our success to our new state of the art customer supportfacility in Mellonburg. The facility is the brain child of Vice President of Customer Elimination, Roger J. Hamsterbiscuts.
For those of you unfamiliar with Roger, he'swas brought on board last year to spearhead our efforts to increase profits by reducing interaction with customers. As you know, responding to customer inquires isresource intensive and expensive. Under Roger's leadership, we have successfully eliminated the entire customer support and complaint departments. These moneylosing departments were a constant drag on the company's bottom line. Their elimination is the primary reason for this year's enormous increase in profits.
The newautomated customer support facility (ACSF) is located in a rarely used stall in the second floor men's restroom at our Mellonburg plant. When a customer calls one ofour support hotlines, the ACSF greets them in a friendly voice and instructs them to wait for the next available support representative. Since AmalgamatedIndustries no longer employs any support staff, the customer's wait is indefinite. Our internal studies show that most customers forget why they called and hang up after anaverage of 22 minutes on hold. The ACSF is capable of handling over 12,000 simultaneous calls. So far we haven't received a single complain about the new system.
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