Volcanes

Here I am , in my new flat. In a new city. In a new life. Tomorrow I start a new job. I'd like a new name and a new face but it isn't possible.

This is a lovely flat. The twenty-second floor. From the windows I can see the city. It’s dark now but the sky is full of light. There are thousands of lights shining brightly in the city. They’re like jewels white diamonds, red rubies, greenemeralds.

I walk through the flat. Living room, Kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. I turn on the lights. Now I’m a jewel in the night sky, too. Other people in the city can look out of their Windows and see me, shining brightly.

In the bedroom, I open my suitcase and take out my clothes. Grey skirts, grey jackets, black trousers, black sweaters. I don’t like people to look at me.

I open the wardrobe.What’s this? A dress. I take it out of the wardrobe. It is a beautiful red dress. The material is soft like the petals of a red rose. It’s not a dress for me. I put it back in the wardrobe.

I open a drawer. And these? Two photographs. In one a Young man lloks into the camera and smiles. His eyes are dar kan full of love.

In the corner of the photograph it says, “Elis, today, tomorrow always!Yours for ever, Paul.”

I have no photographs. I don’t want to remenber anyone. I put the photographs back in the drawer.

It’s late. I must go to bed. I puto n my pijamas and go into the bathroom. I look at myself in de mirror. White face. Long., black hair. Grey eyes. I’m twenty- two years old. Cn anyone see my secrets? I ge tinto bed and turno ut the light. I wait in the dark for sleep.The days pass. I go to work. I come home. I cook a meal. The weekends are long.++++

Today is Sunday. It’is very hot. The sky is heavy and the city is tired. I’m tired too., but I mustn’t sleep. If I sleep during the day, I can’t sleep a night. I walk through the romos. I look out of the Windows. I touch the telephone. It sits on a Little table in front of a white sofa. It never rings. Nobodyknows I’m here.

I have a dream. The phone is ringing. In my dream I get up and answer it.

A voice says, “My love, is that you?”

“Yes,” I answer. “Yes, yes, yes.”

I wake up. The phone is ringing. I Jump out of bed and run answer it. But is stops. Too late. It sit on the sofá, looking at the lelephone, waiting for to ring again. It sit there until the sky is the colour of milk.

I lookat the other photograph of Paul. No half a photograph. Someone cut it in half. He has a glass o f wine in his hand. This time he isn’t looking at the camera. He’s looking at the person in the missing half or the photograph. His face is strong and sweet. He’s laughing. He is exactly where he wants to be.++++

Wo cut the photograph? Why? Where’s the other half? I look at the photograph for longtime. I can see some red where the photo is cut. Is it the red dress?

I go to the wardrobe and take out the red dress again. I put my face against the soft material. The dress smells beautiful. Roses? Liles? Blood?

I think about Elisa. I can see her. She’s getting ready to go dor the enening. She puts perfume on her arms, on her neck – The places where Paul kisses her. I never wear perfume.Both the photos of Paul are on the small table next to my bed. I look at him before I turn out the light. Good night, Paul.

I see him when I open my eyes in the morning. Good mornig, Paul.

But between going to sleep and wakimg up, there are dreams. I don’t dream of Paul. My dreams are full of terrible things. They’re black an red – full of danger- of him- that other man.

I didn´t go towork today. I didn’t go yesterday or the day before. I don’t think I’m ever going back to work. All day I think about Elisa and the dress. Me and the dress. I think about Paul. Paul and Elisa. Paul and me.

I stand at the window. The sky is red but he city, for a momento, is dark.

Again I go to the wardrobe and take out the dress. This time I put it on. It touches my body like a lover. I...