How To Win Friends And Influence People

What is the principal message of this book? It's basically to live the Golden Rule -- "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." How do you do this? Through empathy. Take an interest in other people. Understand their interests and motives. Give them praise, encouragement and appreciation. Understand that one of the greatest human needs is to feel important.

Principle No 1: Don’tCriticize, Condemn or Complain
It’s very easy to complain about something or criticize someone, but what benefit does it give you? It only satisfies your ego but it diminishes another person and makes that person like you less or even hate you. So if you often point out what’s wrong with people or their work, you will definitely not be seen as a reliable or kind person.
You should try to understandthat people may not necessarily be wrong and it could actually be you who’s wrong. Try to see another persons’ point of view by trying to understand why that person acts this way. This exercise alone can give you a significant understanding of another person. Not many people can see both their and others’ points of view.
Principle No 2: Fulfill Others’ Desires to Feel Important
When you makesomeone feel important or special in some way, that person will be grateful for that and therefore will give you something that you want in return for your appreciation.
The feeling of importance is the most unfulfilled of all the human needs. If you can show the other person that you consider him important, he will be at your service because you fulfilled his basic need.
Just think for a minute…How many people in your life actually make you feel important? I can almost guarantee that not many. And that’s why this principle works wonders. People seek importance, people need importance, their actions are geared towards getting more importance. So when someone shows up and makes you feel important, you will be really grateful and repay them in fulfilling their needs.
Whenever I think aboutthe need for appreciation and importance, I always remember how people react when I say That’s a good question!. They are always so happy to hear that. Try it yourself.
When someone asks you something interesting, say that’s a good question and then think about that question for a minute. You will see how they all light up only for this small acknowledgement of their brilliance.
People act thisway because they feel like you consider them important or intelligent. They will certainly like you more for this one compliment. What about if you would constantly make
others feel important rather than trying to show others how important you are? Well, you will definitely get the edge over the masses because you will attract immense respect and therefore you will automatically becomeinfluential. People will like you and talk only good things about you.
When people don’t feel appreciated, they can even go to absolute extremes and become criminals or even go insane. They would rather live in their own imagined worlds of being important rather than face the cruel reality of no one appreciating them.
But the important thing to remember here is that you have to really mean what you’resaying. You cannot just compliment someone out of the want to gain influence over them because that will never work. Most people sense when someone is lying.
You probably know at least one person who is always acting like a servant to you, showering you with compliments yet you know that their intentions are selfish. Such people are more than likely to backstab you when you least expect it. Soreally try to give sincere compliments to those with whom you are talking to, even when you don’t want anything from them. One nice sentence given to a stranger can brighten their whole day, and it doesn’t cost you anything to do that.
Principle No 3: You Cannot Influence People by Telling Them What You Want
The majority of people make a major mistake with this one. When they want something from...