Thinking one night about my life and how the people that has changed it I felt somewhat nostalgic and started thinking about the women who have taught me about relations, who have seen both the best and the worst side of me, who I have loved and cared about, the women who I have let inside my heart and who I kicked out of it, sometimes unintentionally, sometimes forced, sometimes because I waskicked out of their hearts, sometimes all three.
I started thinking about them how each one of them saw a side of me different from the other but nonetheless mine, and how everyone took a part in my never ending process of growing up.
First my first girlfriend, that girl that opened my eyes to relations, that first kiss, that tender embrace, it took me by the hand all thru the innocence andgayness of that first relation. I was 15 and shy, she was cute, happy and always ready to stop me from letting go. Maybe that’s why first relations have expiration dates. The fear of never finding something like that can get too overbearing, at least it was for her. And my reaction was poor and slow. I panicked and left her without too much explanation just a promise of never ending friendship. Yeahthat didn’t work out either.
There was the heartbreak. I was 19 and was no longer a shy little boy who got scared of talking to women. I had become confident, bold and maybe a little arrogant. She was gorgeous, the dream of many a kid. With an exotic beauty and a charisma that left every guy wondering what train had hit them. Needless to say I didn’t think of her as a prospect. I wasn’t particularlylooking for anything serious at the time. Nevertheless I got to know her innocently, without any hidden agendas, just for the sake of it and started to feel for her, and she for me. It was in Buenos Aires and I loved her, like I hadn’t loved before, without holding back, with only one thought in my mind, making her happy. I think she felt the same, she was great, a mermaid who had entangled mewith her song, she showed me what desperation, love, fear, passion, happiness and chemistry can do to a couple when they confabulate and become one. I finally understood how someone can become a home, a family and a future. It was the first time I thought ahead on the road; the first time I pictured myself with someone. The first time I went crazy for somebody, and the second, and the tenth. Yetshe had a lot left to live, and it got to the point where I was holding her back. But she moved on, and hopefully she will grow to be everything she wants to be. Because she can, I know she can. And even though there’s no going back between us I am so grateful; she deserved more. And so did I.
There are the women who introduced me to lust, to loving during the night and forgetting once the sun comesout. How could I forget the brunette who made me forget about every complex I had about my body and who showed me I had a lot to work on If I wanted to be a good lover. Or the gorgeous blond who saw my transformation between a shy cute little boy into a controlling lover but who also made me understand that the most precious thing of loving is giving pleasure not receiving it. To them I owe apart of myself. Confidence, fierceness, generosity and passion, these are their gifts to me.
The next one I don’t feel so much proud of. I messed up, big time. Didn’t think the consequences of my acts and wounded people who only cared for me. She was a great girl, one of the greatest catches I have ever met. Funny, social and charismatic this girl was the epitome of a MUNer woman. Lovely, innocentand beautiful but we were in different places at the time. Yet knowing that we embarked in a trip of blindness in which we decided to not see every obstacle for the sake of the moment. Until I became tired of it and ran. Ran like a child who knows he has broken a windows but that definitely doesn’t want to face his dad because he knows he’s definitely getting punished. She deserved better and I...
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