A gap of sky

A Gap of Sky
“… and checks out her reflection with one gummy eye. One gummy eye stares warily back at her”
This is the perspective she sees life through. Through one gummy eye. She has lost one half of herself, and she doesn’t see clearly. The eye stares warily back at her. Unconciensly she’s awar of what direction her life is taking. The halls she lives in is described as very cold and sheprefers peeing in the sin than getting out. The room is cold aswell and she prefers the warm duvet. This shows that she lacks in the feeling of warmth and a general homefeeling. Comfort and safety. She feels vulnerable and alone and that is probably why she tries to escape by taking drugs.
“the air is cold makes her gasp, cold hurting on her raggeed lungs” the outside enviroment is cold. Her lungssymbolizing her scared inside. she deals with issues that needs taking care of, instead they are exposed to the hurting cold only making it worse.
The narrative technique is important for how we interpret her. First of all its written in broken sentences, which makes it stressful to read and confusing, just like her mind. It is not written in first person even though we have acces to all herthoughts. This could show a split within her. She is parted in two. It is told in third person, but within her mind. She see’s herself from the outside , just like when she watches herself in the mirror.
She goes to the best university of London but she doesn’t really care about it because her parents pushed her into doing it. That’s why she feels uch a hatred towards them. she missed the warmfeeling of home and her mom in the stone incident.
“there are people moving together, here in this part of london, moving with purpose and ellie is one of them”
She balances in between clarity and sudden confusion. For short moments she feels full of life and purpose and then she will suddenly interrupt this feeling with for example fear of death. One could say that all of these contrastingthoughts are what happens when you are a teenager, just moved away from home by your self, probably on your come down from the trip you were on last night. Her brain is sludge like she says herself. And cocain probably doesn’t make it better either.
“… clotted like blood in the arteries nearing the heart of the city” this organ imagery is intresting because it gives the city real human life. Possiblythe life feeling she is missing. That’s why she tries to adapts this feeling through for example staying outside walking and walking: “she wants to be outside, to walk and walk and walk”.
The city is a metaphor for her insides, her mind, how everything is massy, how “she dodges though the traffic” . navigating through all her confusing thoughts.
“… and as she turns there is a gap of sky toher right, an emptiness, a vacancy that she doesn’t remember seeing before, something destroyed or being built”
Again she gets a moment of “clarity”. She doesn’t know though if she is slowly loosing her mind or if she is slowly trying to built herself up again.
She feels dirty/rancid through the whole story and probably has felt through most of her stay at UCL since it all feels like “thick blacksludge”. “to see the wide river and river and wash this feeling clean”. the washing clean symbolizing the new beginning. And since the river also represents freedom and clarity, it gives her a new beginning with those elements that she is missing.
The stone her mom gave her was ment to give her protection or something daft like that but instead she just shoved it in her rucksack somewhere. Nowshe misses that feeling of someone protecting her. Especially when she describes the feeling she has of being retreated and left alone on the shore surrounded by plastic bottles and used sanitary towels etc… a metaphor for the environment she has ended in, and the people she know. Her so called “friends”. But she makes it sound like she didn’t have a choice by using the imagery of her being...