The Friar's Tale

The Friar’s Tale

I am going to tell my tale
But no one I’m meaning to offend
If during my story I am to fail
I’m sure the summoner will defend

There once was a time in my country
When an archdeacon with high degree
Had many thorns like a floss silk tree
Fornication and witchcraft, indeed

But there was more to this man
Defamation and adultery
Many other sins since he beganThat to tell all I need full battery

But unto lechers gave he greatest woe
He searched and punished them like below
But he also punished those with tithes too small
And his summoner could detect them all

He could protect of lechers one or two
To learn of four and twenty more, mark you.
He had no heart, no living soul
His heart was full of burning coal

And yes, his summoner
Theworst of all England
Handled tithes as their owner
And lead the way as he planned

For he searched under each living area
And when he asked they acted with no hysteria
Had always panders ready to his hand
And convinced everyone with need in the land

And so he had a bunch of people
Who came to him to be his equal
With all the names of those who sin
And that way the summonerwill always win

And so he master knew no act
He kept half of the money, in fact
He was, if I'm to give him proper laud,
A thief, and more, a summoner, and a bawd

And then when someone told him
He would wait for the perfect time
House through house he would skim
To blackmail, and say about the crime:

Summoner: "My friend, and for your sake,
Her name from our blacklist will Inow take;
Trouble no more for what this may entail;
I am your friend in all where 'twill avail."

And he knew every way of blackmail
No one can ever count for that male
But he was the best at what he did
I wouldn’t dare to open his lid

For in this world's no dog trained to the bow
That can a hurt deer from a sound one know
Better than this man knew a sly lecher,
Or fornicator, oradulterer.

And doing what he did the most
He took a trip to search the grounds
Saw a yeoman near a post
And to his way the summoner bounds

Summoner: "Sir, (pause) hail and well met, Jack!"

Yeoman: "Welcome, (pause) "and every comrade good!
Where do you ride under this greenwood? Will you go far today?"

Summoner: "Nay,
Hard by this place, is my intent
To ride, sir, tocollect a bit of rent
Pertaining to my lord's temporality."

Yeoman: "And are you then a bailiff?"

Summoner: "Aye,"

Yeoman: "In God's name, dear brother,
You are a bailiff and I am another.
I am a stranger in these parts, you see;
Of your acquaintance I'd be glad,
And of your brotherhood, if its welcome.
I've gold and silver in my chest at home.
And if you chance to come into ourshire,
All shall be yours, just as you may desire."
Summoner: "Many thanks, by my faith!"

And they struck hands and made their solemn oath
To be sworn brothers till their dying day.
Gossiping then they rode upon their way.

Summoner: "Brother, where now is your dwelling,
If some day I should wish your side to reach?"

Yeoman: "Brother, far in the north country,
Where, as I hope, some dayyou'll come to me.
Before we part I will direct you so
You'll never miss it when that way you go."

Summoner: "Now, brother, I pray
You'll teach me, while we ride along our way,
Since that you are a bailiff, as am I,
A trick or two, and tell me faithfully
How, in my office, I may most coin win;
And spare not for nice conscience, nor for sin,
But as my brother tell your arts to me."Yeoman: "Now by my truth, dear brother,
If I am to relate a faithful tale,
My wages are right scanty, and but small.
My lord is harsh to me and niggardly,
My job is most laborious, you see;
And therefore by extortion do I live.
Forsooth, I take all that these men will give;
By any means, by trick or violence,
From year to year I win me my expense.
I can no better tell you faithfully."...