Name: Stephanie Swett
As we know, communication between people is very complex, because is not only to talk and listen. We all communicate in more than one level at a time, for example the tone of the voice, gestures and posture also send a message about our emotions. This all is a process in which there is a variety of motivations of thesender and the receiver of the message.
In life we tend to introduce ourselves in a particular way, in order to create an impression. Most of the time we don’t say the things we want to say directly, so we create others forms to communicate those things. For example telling a particular story o anecdote to prove we are smart, blameless, good people or that we know everything. It is called hiddenagendas because they protect you from rejection creating the image or the mask you want to show to the others.
Every person has a hidden agenda. This agenda often governs one's intentions and behavior. People are often unaware of its origin but in some way they know they want to send a specific message to the others. Persons with hidden agendas tend to manipulate in order to deal with theirhopes, fears, ambitions and expectations. Manipulation is a deliberate effort to influence the outcome of an event to one's own advantage. Of course we have to distinguish the levels of manipulation because in this case you get some advantages but it does not hurt anybody, at least not directly. (Fuhriman, 2012)
Some people are more affected by it than other people but as I said it help them, ofcourse only in a current situation. Hidden agendas do not work in a long term relationship because you can’t build closeness in this way.
Here I am going to explain the eight major agendas of people.
I am good: When you only tell stories about the most value things of yourself. You play the role of the hero in order to prove that you are honest, strong, successful, loyal, generous, etc. Thistype of agenda select only the best part of you or the side you want to show to others but in fact it only means you don’t trust enough in yourself and also in the other people to allow them know you complete, with your strengths and defects. People also may get tired and boring about the same pattern because you are not being a real person.
I am good, but you are not: In this agenda peopleusually tend to prove they are good by showing everyone else are bad. They are the only ones who never are wrong and always do the things ok. In this case criticism can be direct or implied but in conclusion is a behavior that sabotages healthy interactions in relationships because family and friends of this people probably all the time feel they are never good enough and maybe could adopt an adefensive attitude.
You are good, but I am not: This is putting yourself down in comparison with others. For example this people usually said: “You are so beautiful and I am so ugly” or “I wish I had your intelligence” and things like this. Apparently they seems to have a low self esteem because of their low skills but this hidden agenda may have a secondary gain (a term used to describe any lessobvious benefits of someone having a particular behavior.) It could be strategies to justify themselves making other people feel sorry about them and also to avoid demands and high expectations from them. (Reach Out Pyschotherapy & Hypnotherapy, 2010)
I am helpless, I suffer: The stories from this people focus on the tragedy of their life. This is the agenda of the victim and always complainson how injustices they suffer and they cannot do anything for that because there is imply that they are totally not responsible. Even when you try to help and suggest what they can do, is always a reason for not being able to undertake the solution. The suffering is always beyond their ability to control. With this agenda the person can avoid new solutions to problems and can then avoid change...
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