Men's Untold Story

Men’s Untold Story

Thanks to our culture, since the day a boy is born, everybody around him expects a lot. From his family to his peers, the only way he’ll be accepted is being a true man. Michael Kimmel breaks it down in a way we understand because even though we see it in our daily routine, we don’t notice. For girls the meaning of being a true woman could be different to every one of themand it has no major importance; but for men things are not that simple. Boys are raised to suppress their feelings, act tough, take vengeance, be independent, have control of everything, etc. In a man’s world there is no space for weaknesses; boys are taught by parents, brothers, and others “to be tough and strong to make it in this world.”

There are also other guys looking out for what othermen do. Waiting for one little mistake so they can point it out. This can be seen even in school. Other guys expect their peers to be manly. If a guy shows emotions he will immediately be called “gay” or “faggot” but this doesn’t mean he’s homosexual. “Faggot to me just means taking away your manhood” said Eminem in an interview. So if a man gets called this way, it’s not referring at him as ahomosexual but as a weak person. Men need to prove themselves everyday since they are toddlers, so this means that the attachment to their mothers needs to be gone in a hurry. If a boy spends too much time with his mother he will get called a “mama’s boy” or worse, he could learn how to show his emotions. This pressure of being a “true man” affects kids very early. Kimmel asked his 9-year-old son whathe thought of when he said, “be a man” and the kid responded, “acting tougher than you really are.”
So since kids are taught this way they feel helpless and disconnected with their parents trying to figure things out for themselves. When boys are victims of bully they think nobody can help them because they have been taught to stand up like a man and resolve things on their own. Boys neverreach for adults for help because it will make them look like a “wimp”. Boys need a role model so they can be guided to the adult life the right way. But Kimmel says “as they grow up older, they feel disconnected from adults, as well, unable to experience the guidance towards maturity that an adult can bring.”

Due to this lack of guidance, boys tend to feel alone and often it takes them todepression and even suicide at a very early age. But they can also try to “man up” and that is the moment when boys turn to anger and violence because those are “the only forms of emotional expression allowed.” This can be seen in schools, when boys have a problem with others they tend to resolve it acting violent towards others. It’s like it gives them a certain sense of being superior and as Kimmelsays they “displace the feelings of humiliation, to restore the entitlement.” Psychiatrist James Gilligan wrote, “The emotion of shame is the primary or ultimate cause of all violence.” I think this quote explains the violent issue among boys perfectly. Parents don’t know half of the things their kids do. But life in school or campuses is one that only kids know or in this case, boys. Not eventeachers know what really happens with students.

Kimmel says that Guyland rests on three cultural dynamics. First, the culture of entitlement is the sense of male superiority by suppressing empathy and compassion. Not every man can have this superiority in all settings. Some men look more superior in certain settings than others. I can notice that when I play sports. I have friends that look moreathletic than me, which makes them look superior at sports. But on a musical setting I tend to feel some kind of superiority over some friends and peers. Men feel they have the right to have power but they can’t have it in every setting they are. The second culture Kimmel mentions is the culture of silence. This culture is the sense of being afraid about speaking the truth when it comes to...