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Love in the 21st century
These days, couples get a bad press. If we're to believe what we hear, they're smug, sexless, bourgeois and boring. But despite everything, we keep on committing; endlessly reinventing the way we live with each other to suit our modern world. Maureen Rice reveals why, after all, it's love that endures
Is there anything left to say about that over-examined institution,The Couple? Is there anything new or worthwhile to add to the old, old story? Boy meets girl, blah, blah, blah. Bridget Jones, yadda, yadda, yadda.
But here we are, squaring up to the subject one more time. Love in the 21st century is both the same and different; mutating interestingly as we try to reconfigure it for lives led at a different speed, but its power is undiminished, its grip on ourhearts and record collections as strong as ever. But here's the thing: while all the world loves a lover, nobody loves a couple.
Pero aquí estamos, hablando del sujeto una vez más. El amor en el siglo 21 es a la vez igual y diferente; transformándose de manera interesante, al tratar de reconfigurarlo para vidas que van a diferente velocidad, pero el poder está no ha disminuido, está atado anuestros corazones y grabando memoria más fuerte que nunca. Pero este es el tema, mientras todo el mundo ama a un amante, nadie ama a su pareja.
Since the 17th century, it's been the pursuit of love that has fascinated us, not what we do with it when we get it. All love stories end with a wedding, but where once we presumed the lovers faded away into a happy ever after, now they just fade away. Couplesare uninteresting at best - if you're married, or as good as, don't expect to find yourself the subject of a snappy sitcom on Channel 4. Or they're malignant, 'smug marrieds', bourgeois, superior and sexless. If you don't recognise yourself as any of the above, you will at least admit that coupledom is a bit of a slog, and where's the fun in that? Smart books are written about the 'tyranny of two'and the unhealthiness of co-dependency.
Desde el siglo 17, ha sido la búsqueda del amor lo que nos ha ilusionado, no lo que hacemos con el amor cuando lo obtenemos. Todas las historias de amor terminan en una boda, pero donde una vez estuvimos presumiendo que los amantes desaparecen en un “felices para siempre”, pero ahora simplemente se desvanecen. Las parejas son poco interesantes, en el mejorcaso, si estas casado,
Which brings us to the one question left worth asking in the blizzard of love talk: why bother? Why put yourself through the pain and work and scorn of conventional coupledom when there are plenty of postmodern alternatives? For all kinds of ideological, biological, practical, romantic and lifestyle reasons, The Couple should be as common as the dodo. Why, in spite of thepassion-killing grind that is daily domesticity, do we go on shacking up together? We all know about the 40 per cent divorce rate, so why do we still get married?
Love arrives, or grows, but marriage is a decision. Love feels like something outside ourselves. We talk about being struck by Cupid's arrow, or 'falling' in love, we're overtaken by emotion, we 'can't help' how we feel. But marriagehappens from the inside out, and in the head as well as the heart, even if we later decide we weren't thinking straight. 'How can you be 100 per cent sure?' say wary singletons to their marrying friends. And the answer is, they're not. Nobody is 100 per cent sure of marriage, with its 40 per cent divorce rate, and who knows how many more per cent stuck miserably together. Instead, we decide that welove this person enough, we find them interesting enough, and we think we're ready enough to draw a line in the sand and say, this is it. All committed couples are optimists. We commit in the hope and belief that love and interest won't diminish, but grow. It's an act of faith.
And most of us still make it. Fifty-four per cent of men and 52 per cent of women in the UK are married, with a...