Surviving the Crash after your Crush.
By Shari Schreiber, M.A.
You'll be learning about dangerous men here, and how to avoid them. There are very few females who haven't encountered a borderline disordered male at some point during their lifetime, whether he's been a fellow employee, a boss, a neighbor, or somebody from an online dating site.
This materialattempts to explore and expose borderline personality features and narcissism in males as comprehensively as possible, so you can begin to rebalance/heal from your most tormenting relationship experiences. Browse the various sub-sections in this piece while you're visiting--they describe the intricate aspects of personality disordered men and their behaviors.
Narcissists are not always borderlinedisordered (they lack psychotic traits), but Borderlines are always narcissistic, as each lacks capacity for empathy. Can these issues be cured? Yes--but it requires highly specialized care, and tenacious commitment by the client/patient to do some very courageous and difficult recovery work.
Some of these males present as little boys, ambivalently in need of rescuing or care. Their vulnerabilitycomes across in a way that has you seeing them as open and genuine--but watch out! Don't believe the hardship stories they feed you, while asking for a "temporary" loan or place to sleep. This type of fellow is discussed (below) in; THE BOY WHO CRIED WAIF. Don't think for a moment, this guy can't screw up your life, just because he seems so pitiful. A 'victim' type Borderline will resent/harmanyone who tries to be his savior; you're just kidding yourself, if you think that You'll be the exception.
It's not that there are actually more women than men with BPD, it's that we haven't identified the ways it manifests in males, as pathological. We might have climbed on-board with the 'male bashing' some women have promoted, and assumed this gender had innate deficits when they've acted like"jerks," but what's often spawned our pejorative view, is aberrant behavior patterns in men with borderline traits. Does that rearrange your mental files??
Male BPD traits include; impulsivity, passive aggression, lying, stalking, lack of empathy, poor self-worth, drug/alcohol abuse, extramarital affairs, rageful outbursts, depression, inability to hold difficult emotions or self-soothe,self-harming behaviors (or accident prone), cognitive distortion and projections, splitting (love you/hate you), physical volatility or violence, rebound relationships, anxiety or OCD issues, self-sabotage in personal and professional realms, an incapacity to want you--unless they can't have you, narcissism/grandiosity, selective memory/recall, black or white thinking, verbal exhibitionism, codependency(and other addictions), control issues, eating disorders, dissociation or "black-outs," perfectionism/rigidity, and attraction to long-distance romances.
Borderline Personality Disorder in men is harder to recognize than in women, because their seductions are usually emotional, rather than sexual. The Male Borderline may appear 'normal' in contrast to other men, who seem so afraid of closeness,they're back-peddling before your second date! For simplicity's sake, this piece names the borderline disordered male, Casanova. Seducing women feeds his narcissism, and fills his core emptiness--it's his addiction. Since he can't form solid/healthy attachments, he takes hostages. Make sure you don't become his next prisoner.
STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN - IGNORE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
When I met somebodywho felt a little 'off' to me, I declined a second date. Trusting my instincts saved me a lot of heartache. Let this material serve as a guide, that can help you learn to honor and trust yours.
These males are love-avoidant. It isn't that they haven't wanted love--it's that they've never been able to trust it. You won't change this, regardless of how much you adore him--or how 'safe' you make it...