Lorenzo von matterhorn
Shortly after his family moved to New York City inthe late 70’s, Lorenzo began rescuing stray puppies and other cute animals. As someone who had been abandoned himself, Lorenzo recognized both the pain of loneliness as well as thepower of hope. One evening, while nursing a particularly cute Cocker Spaniel back to health, Lorenzo noticed the rest of his brood howling in unison. Curious as to their abilities, hespent the next several months developing their voices and then entered them as a musical act in a local festival under the name DOG STEVENS. They took first place, and went on tobecome one of the most successful animal musical acts since The Beatles.
At an early age, Lorenzo was diagnosed with phallumegaly, or bigness of penis disorder. As a result ofhis illness Lorenzo’s sense of balance frequently shifts, causing short-term memory loss. Lorenzo has been known to walk away from situations and not call again, and shouldn’t beheld accountable when he does. Tired of ordering custom underwear and furniture, Lorenzo has pursued penis reduction surgery a number of times only to be told it’s too risky.
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