My name is

I have this great fear that the moment we were supposed to meet will be thwarted. Maybe it already has been. I think I saw her on the subway yesterday. I saw her and I thought, we were supposed tomeet yesterday on the bus.  She was supposed to sit down next to me, spill her soda on me and we were supposed to laugh, make a game of cleaning it up where we touch each other more than necessary,coincidentally get off at the same stop, get to talking and then there’s a moment where she says “well?” like she feels dumb because we really don’t’ even know each other and we’ve been talking like oldfriends.  And that’s when you realize how excellent she is in ever way.  And we kiss, right there in the street, and it’s a moment we talk about for years later.  How we never believed in love at firstsight until we met each other.
Instead some fat man got in the way.
She was rushing for the bus and he waddled in front of her, she tried to get around him, spilled the drink she was supposed tospill on my eager lap on his indifferent shoulder.  And she missed the bus, which had me on it with an empty seat next to me…oblivious, thinking about something like the texture of raisins and scrapingat the chunk of gum stuck to the seat in front of me.
In fact, I’m sure this is what happened.
The whole fiasco probably threw us both way out of whack.  Now our paths won’t cross until years laterwhen she’s forgotten she’s a dyke.  And she’ll move in next door to me and I’ll have a painful crush on her.  And she’ll be sitting on her porch with her boyfriend and she’ll wave to me.  I’ll begetting my mail and I’ll get a little lilt in my stomach when she waves.  And I’ll trip over my cat, and stumble in a kind of three stooges way.  And she’ll look away like she’s embarrassed for me andI’ll go inside and feel really dumb.
Then her boyfriend will think I seem like I’ll be fun and one morning when we bump into each other in front of my house he’ll invited me to a shindig their...