The Kiwi Bloke: Pile Of Crap

The Kiwi Bloke: A Pile Of Crap……………..





By Paul Oliver


Do any of you guys have any idea what is going on in the world around you?

You’d almost think it was a full moon all year round. I am beginning to think that the dumbest species on the planet are Tourists and

Government.

What a crazy bunch of stark raving idiots, but guess what? They’re not the only ones as you will soon learn fromthis crazy and entertaining book.

So just sit back and be prepared to learn about the world around you.

Have a great read!

Ok, Let’s get started.

I personally like to pick on tourists because nobody actually considers themselves one so nobody can accuse you of picking on them directly.

How about we start with a list of thing that Tourists complain about, and remember, this is for real!!!!

Wewant our money back because…….. There was this tourist at an African game lodge that overlooked a waterhole. He spotted an aroused elephant and started complaining that the sight of this turned-on beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel "inadequate".

A woman said she was going to call police when she thought that she’d been locked in her room by staff. She had mistaken the “do not disturb”sign on the back of the door as an order to stay in her room.

“Get a load of this.”

The beach was too sandy.

I want topless sunbathing on the beach banned. My holiday was ruined because my husband spent the whole day looking at other women.

We bought a pair of 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader. It turned out they were fake.

No-one told us there was going to befish in the sea. Our children were startled. It took us ninewhole hours to fly home from Jamaica to England

It only took the Americansthreehours to get home.

My fiancé and I booked a room with twin beds. You put us in a room with a double bed. We have no choice but to hold you responsible for the fact that I am now pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that webooked.

I took the liberty of comparing the size of our one-bedroom Bach to the size of our friends' three-bedroom Bach and found that ours was significantly smaller.

(On their trip to Spain)

There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist spoke Spanish. The food was Spanish. I think there are too many Foreigners.

We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows thesand as yellow but it was white.

My husband and I had to queue outside with no air conditioning.

It was your duty as a tour guide to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we left home. I have been bitten by a mosquito and I wasn’t informed that they could bite.

You should have explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.But you didn’t, and now you lose out!

(In Mexico)

I think the local shopkeepers are lazy. They close they’re shops in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during the so-called 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

We went on a day-trip to the water park but noone here had told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels.

Right”o” then, Let’s move on! The following load of crapis about Tourist’s the tried to sue the tourist companies for various idiotic things.

I find these unbelievable and so did the courts as every one of them was rejected.

I Am Going To Sue You

The Dutch girl and the kitchen staff. A Dutch family went to court demanding a full refund of their vacation, as well as compensation because they had to move to a new resort.

The situation at theiroriginal resort was apparently unbearable, and they were forced to relocate to a more expensive location.

What they failed to tell the court, was that their daughter had slept with almost the entire kitchen staff, forcing hotel management to fire most of them.

The locals that visited their own beach. A German couple took they’re travel agency court, demanding compensation for a spoiled vacation.

The...