The truth about cheating

The Truth about Cheating
Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

M. GARY NEUMAN

John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

The Truth about Cheating

Also by M. Gary Neuman Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way Emotional Infidelity: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and 10 Other Secrets to a Great Relationship How to Make a Miracle: Finding Incredible Spirituality in Times ofStruggle and Happiness

The Truth about Cheating
Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It

M. GARY NEUMAN

John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

Copyright © 2008 by GKN Corporation. All rights reserved Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey Published simultaneously in Canada No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in anyform or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400,fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http: // www.wiley.com/go/permissions. Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and the author have used their bestefforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not besuitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages. For general information about our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the UnitedStates at (800) 762-2974, outside the United States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002. Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: Neuman, M. Gary. The truth aboutcheating: why men stray and what you can do to prevent it / M. Gary Neuman p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 978-0-470-11463-6 (cloth) 1. Adultery. 2. Men—Psychology. 3. Men—Sexual behavior. I. Title. HQ806.N48 2008 306.73'6081—dc22 2008017674 Printed in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For Fred Jonas, a teacher of unparalleled kindness, wisdom, and humility

contentsAcknowledgments

ix

PART ONE

Why and How Men Cheat
1. This Book Will Change Your Marriage 2. The Real Reasons Men Cheat
QU IC K A C TIO N P R O G R A M

3 15 34 43 48 59 63 87 91

Step One: Keep Tabs on His Friends and Family 3. Warning Bells, Cheating Signals, and Lying Signs
QU IC K A C TIO N P R O G R A M

Step Two: Change the Cheating Signals
QU IC K A C TIO N P R O G R A M

StepThree: Get Involved in His Work and Play Lives 4. Understanding the Male Mind: Connecting Emotionally
QU IC K A C TIO N P R O G R A M

Step Four: Practice Emotional Giving 5. The Power of Sex

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viii

C O N TEN T S

PART T WO

How to Improve Your Marriage
6. Insightful Change: The Inner Voice Recognition Formula
QU IC K A C TIO N P R O G R A M

115 134 148 151 161 171 179...