Teacher humor

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closerto the ground than you are.

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.________________________________________

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"

The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
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College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news foryou!"

Father: "What, son?"

College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?"

Father: "I certainly do."

College student: "Well, you get to keep it."
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Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking.
"Surely I can't look that old?" WELL...YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE:

My name is JaneLong and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name, Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome,
dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, I quickly discarded any suchthought.

This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Spaulding Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Bulldog," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1977. Why do you ask?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I exclaimed.

He looked atme closely.

Then, that

UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED,

FAT,

GREY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

SON-OF-A-BISCUIT-EATER ASKED:

"What did you teach?"
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It's late fall and the Native Americans on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modernsociety, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phonebooth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the National Weather Service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still...