13 -0ct- 2010
The language of silence (first)
By: Mirelys Rivera
The silence means a lot for me, I have been a girl very shy and quiet. Sometimes the fear of speaking denied me alot of things, that only with one word I can recover, but Why to be this way? Why so afraid to express myself?
When you are in an atmosphere where all is lead by concepts overly clear, the personal opinion become null. Your life is not yours it is by the way that imposes you, you never being heard and much less understood. This is how begins a life of silence. The religion is very importantin my family, and for my mom it’s more. My mom since I was little tells us that we can’t dance, use accessories, and go to parties that only we had to hear Christian music. When I was in second and third grade I was in a Christian Academy in Cayey in there, most of all my classmates have my believing, but in fourth grade they send me to a public school it was very different. I start to see what myclassmates do, they use accessories they didn’t had a good vocabulary, listen all the music that they want and in December in Christmas party they start to dance, I begin to see all that they do and see that is very nice but I didn’t duet and my classmates ask me why ? I didn’t dance or use accessories, then I start to feel wear. When they ask me why? I say because of my religion or because theBible says or more simple, my mom don’t let me. Because of their ignorance they start to say, that it was something out of sense and sometimes reject me. It was difficult for me, the only I won is to feel comfort whit myself and do what I believe. When I ask to my mom if I can go to the birthdays of my friends she didn’t let me and when she do that I feel that she only want to separate meof my friends because they aren’t Christians. Every time that I ask and try to express what I want she never listen to me, she only do what she believes, she always think in be religious, that is more important than how her daughter feels. I just want to be normal, but like nobody listen to me, I begin to act like the others, I start to use accessories and when my mom come to get me atthe school, I just put off , In the parties when my mom go away I start to dance and the music became my passion because It was something Prohibited and its nature to want the Prohibited . When become the Games Day the cheerleaders prepare a dance I always get in to practice all the lunch hour and at final when the fill day get close I invent an excuse to get out of it. My behavior makes medo bad things, better say bad things on the perspective of my mom. Only the few attempts that I make to express my own and be understood failed. For these reasons I start to think that I never be understand that when I try to express my opinion of something they didn’t consider me, for what try to talk if they never listen so I though its better be in silence. I tell to myself “only express thenecessary and the rest is silent”.
In high school it get worse there is more people, new friends and the pressure of been accepted is more. I have to say either that the school do parties every month; that was in Friday the day that I go to the church. I thought that I always a find the way to do what I want without my mom know it. My mom now about the new atmosphere and she became moreprotective that before. One of the problems that I never forget was in one of my friend’s birthday. The birthday was in April and my friend planning a Pajamas Party whit all my group of friends we’re six. I was so excited to be there and share whit all my girls. In the moment that I ask if I can go guess what! NO! I was so anger and she tell me that my friends aren’t from my religion that they gone...