A Satirical Critique On Jogging

As Americans, we have a pretty hard time trying to stay healthy and thin. Americans are constantly being targeted by fast food propagandas, and new technology is making Americans' lives less active.After the initial denial of our weight gain, we are going to realize that it is more than just a bit of baby fat. It is starting to look like we are expecting a baby. We are going to realize that weactually do need to start working on this "large" problem.
Intially, we are going to try to "diet" our way out of obesity. I seriously laugh out loud at this method. What normal person has the willpower to order a skimpy, little salad bowl over a large, mouth-watering, juicy, bacon cheeseburger? You can keep your bacon bits; I would much rather have the real stuff on a burger.
After givingup on this diet method, we turn to excersing. The most obvious method of excersing is jogging. Everyone else and their grandmas seem to be doing this same thing, so obviously, we can start thisroutine, too. Well, there lies the fatal problem: starting.
The first time we try to jog is the absolute worst. As soon as we start, we notice exactly how out of shape we are. Our legs have steadily grownlazy and useless because of their lack of movement since high school gym. Just leaving the house and walking towards the street has already worn us out. A few minutes into the brisk run and we realizethat we had already condemned ourselves earlier that day by not picking up on the method of hydrating before a run. We regret that the only liquids that we had today was that cup of coffee and thatCoke we had at lunch. We become extremely thirsty and our mouths dry up like a raisin in the sun. As the sun continues to beat down upon our face and body, we become flushed red and disgustinglysweaty. Our breathing has become this weird sort of loud wheezing. On top of all of this mess, we are out in the public for everyone to view and observe.
Our disgusting, sweaty, out-of-shape bodies are...