El ultimo cigarro

Last cigarette and it was pouring rain, which can pretty much sum up how my day had been going. Took it out of the pack and hid under a scaffolding. He was supposed to be here already, every time I decide to come early, my “oh so reliable friend” decides to show up late, shit! What the hell?! I felt this pinch on the right side of my chest, which usually happens when I’m smoking; it’ll pass likeit always does. Finally John shows up, he seemed annoyed, maybe it was the fact that it was pouring and he was wearing nothing but a t-shirt. He handed me the envelope, chatted me up for a bit and said his goodbyes. I then stood on the side walk waiting for a cab to come my way, no luck on the cab so I walked a couple of blocks up saw a one on the other side of the street and ran for it, I hadenough time to run across before the cars sped up, grabbed the door handle and got in.
I had been standing in the rain for awhile now and it wasn’t until I was in the cab that I felt all the water on me. I could really use McCfly’s auto dry jacket right about now, I uttered jokingly. The cabbie apparently had never seen back to the future as he had no chuckle reply, or maybe he just didn’t give ashit. I looked up and realized that there was somebody sitting beside me. Without any hesitation I said; hey listen I hope you’re going the same way cause there’s no way I’m going back out in this.” As I look t to my left only one word comes to mind…Shit!...have you ever been in such an uncomfortable situation, so palpable that you can hear the soundtrack that can coincide with the moment, cue inminute 1:12 of “Ella Uso Mi Cabeza Como un Revolver” by Sosa Stereo. She was completely soaked and looking back at me with the same blank stare I was giving her and two things crossed my mind at the moment. One “next time I buy concert tickets from john I’ll pick the fucking meeting place.” And two, which I said out loud, not as loud as so that she could hear me, but loud enough to un-bottle someof the fizzing anxiety that was bubbling up inside me, “Why in God’s, not so green earth, did I smoke my last cigarette?”
It wasn’t until the cabbie turned around and said in his deep Haitian accent, “I have a lunch break coming up, or if you guys want I can take it now.” That I realized that the guy who came up with the expression, it’s all downhill from here, had never been in my currentsituation, and I finally said hi. It seemed as if she had realized the same thing and regurgitated, just to be polite, “hello.” I asked her where she was going, almost wanting here to say Dhamar, Yemen, so that I could walk out of the cab, but to my utter disappointment she said, to the cabbie mind you, “257 West Broadway.” We both knew we were in for a long drive but the tension was bearable enough tosplit the fare. I want you to know visualize yourself back in your kitchen, the show you had been dying to see all week is about to start, and you’re waiting for the popcorn to be done, you’re just standing there watching the minutes count down, and the colonel have yet to pop, you know that if you go back to your room and sit in front of the TV you won’t get back up, especially since thisparticular episode is being aired commercial free. You are just standing there watching, feeling every second pass by, and slowly going mad because you know any moment now your program will start. This can accurately demonstrate what I was going through, but without the compensation of popcorn.
I could see her reflection on the plastic wall that divided us from the cabbie, it was more than obvious thatshe did not want to be there anymore than I did, but at the same time there was so much that was left unsaid that it was an itch we both wanted to scratch. I saw how the “conversation” would go. I would try to in some way apologize for whatever I had done, which to this day I still don’t for sure what it was. She would stop me from asking what I was apologizing for since I made it very clear the...