What´s OK? What´s Not?
We often get questions like "Is oral sex OK?" or "My husband wants to make a video of us in the bedroom. Is this a sin?" The reason that we get so many of these questions is probably because the Bible does not specifically speak to everything that a couple can do sexually. Where scripture is silent we must look at Biblical principles to try to build outlines for whatis, and is not allowable in the marriage bed.
Let's start with what the Bible does say.
1. We are to abstain from immoral sex. The Bible indicates the following are sin:
* fornication/unmarried sex (Galatians 5:19, 1 Corinthians 7:2 & 36)
* adultery (Exodus 20:14, Matthew 5:27)
* homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22 , Romans 1:26-27)
* bestiality (Leviticus 18:23 & 20:15-16)* prostitution (Leviticus 19:29, Deuteronomy 23:17, Proverbs 23:27, 1 Corinthians 6:15-16)
* incest (Leviticus 18:6)
2. We are to have sex only in marriage; one man with one woman. (Matthew 19:4-5, 1 Timothy 3:2 & 12)
3. We are to lovingly meet the legitimate sexual needs and wants of our spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:3-5)
The preceding are all direct Biblical commands. In additionthere are requirements set out for us as believers, and as husbands and wives, which add the following restrictions:
4. Love for our spouse, and respect for the bodies and minds God created, requires us to avoid anything which can cause serious problems: (Ephesians 5:29 & 33, 1 Corinthians 6:19)
5. We should never push our spouse to compromise their beliefs. (Romans 14:1 & 14 & 23)
6. We are not to be controlled by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12 & 10:23)
Anything that does not violate these principles should be okay within the marriage bed. That said, it's important that our sexual activities benefit our sense of intimacy and oneness as a couple. It's also importantfor a couple to have regular intercourse, if they are able to. While the Bible does not speak to this, science has shown that all sex is not alike, and intercourse has effects on our bodies, minds, and emotions (and we believe our spirits) that no other sex act can match. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who say it's a sin for a man to ejaculate anywhere other than a woman'svagina, but we can find nothing in the Bible which even hints at this. So, we see no reason to limit sex or climax to intercourse, but a couple who frequently avoids either intercourse and climax during intercourse is cheating themselves out of something God intended them to have.
Now let's consider some bedroom activities and apply the principles above. Please keep in mind that we are notspecifically recommending any of these activities, we are only trying to give couples a framework for deciding what sexual activities will build their marriage, and which may damage it. Most of these things will be influenced by personal preferences, past experience, and your understanding of the Word. You can use the index below to jump to a particular subject.
Manual sex is using thehands to sexually stimulate a spouse's genitals. It can be done as foreplay, or as a way of causing orgasm. Manual sex does not violate any of the principles we have given, and there are even strong hints of it in the Song of Songs. We can see no reason to not use our hands to arouse each other before intercourse or to have an orgasm before, after, or instead of intercourse.
Manual sex can be agood way to deal with seriously-mismatched sex drives. While some people think of manual sex as a "juvenile" act of limited pleasure, it's possible to become very skilled at giving a great deal of pleasure with your hands.
Oral sex is using the mouth to sexually stimulate a spouse's genitals. It can be done as foreplay, or as a way of causing orgasm. As with manual sex, there are...
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